3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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