Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
