He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
