i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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