their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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