He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
