it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
