what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize