So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
where does the pee come out of this thing
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
