At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
