Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
did i walk over a car last night?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize