Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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