for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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