and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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