We're facebook friends in real life
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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