i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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