i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
