She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
