wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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