what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
