Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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