the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
