I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
