I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
