chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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