I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
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Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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