It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
