I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
