peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
