I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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