Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
