This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
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But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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