yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
