Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
