dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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