I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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