i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
