Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
