If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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