Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
