The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
