I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
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how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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