My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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