The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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