I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
