I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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