do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
