she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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