Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
