well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
