My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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