he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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