I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
