Will you blow on my dice?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
