would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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