im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
