sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
