just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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