I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
