Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
50% drunk capacity currently
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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