How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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