Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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