i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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