saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize