i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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