bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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